[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Y'know, if I had some Pop-Tarts
right now, I wouldn't just eat them;
I'd make some sort of hexagonal
structure out of them, THEN eat them.
Why is this locked? It's a ladder.
The mesh is so big, I could grab on anyway.
I just don't get the point of this.
It must be some insurance thing.
Yeah, the world ended. I guess paying for
insurance on anything was a complete waste.
But I don't have any money now, either.
I guess I should've just
spent it all on tattoos.
You can take THAT with you.
Wait, no. I don't know when
I'm going to drink again.
I have to protect my precious bodily fluids.
Huh. I don't hear any gunshots.
That's actually exactly
what I don't want to hear.
I mean, I'm not hearing an attack chopper,
and that's kind of all that matters anymore.
Oh my God! It's actually
quiet! This is so nice!
What a great night to not be dead!
I mean, a great night for me. It's a
really bad night for a lot of people.
Yeah, I met a lot of dead people today.
If civilization ever gets back on its
feet, I'm going to have so many interviews,
since I'll have met a lot of
historically-significant dead people.
Not a chopper in sight and buildings
I can duck into--this is amazing!
Good! I would be a little
nervous at this point
if there wasn't some horrendous
problem everywhere I went.
Oh. Okay, that's...weird.
Oh yeah, that's a lot of blood.
Oh wow. They put cardboard over the
blood so they could walk over it.
That is some cynical shi...
Oh, so this really IS murder
alley. It doesn't go anywhere;
it's JUST for killing people. All right!
I guess architecture reflects
the needs of the times.
I'm still not sure what happened at the base;
there were so many holes,
it could've been anything--
the aliens signaling, the mole--it
could've just been them tracking me.
No... No! I wasn't addressing
you! I was talking to myself!
Sorry about the confusion!
What the hell is this? Did they
tie the rope to his hip bone?
Make like a tree and get out of here?
Y'know, I thought I would
adapt better to the future,
but I really am lost on a
lot of the cultural contexts.
[bird flapping]
Jesus Christ!
Well, I'm adapting better than that guy!
So that means the context doesn't matter!
I'm right! I should never forget that!
If I was in charge, this
wouldn't be happening.
Yeah, today has been
frustrating, because I saw a lot.
Okay! I see what happened, but...how?
Is there a machine that launches these?
So somebody was just tossing these
with work gloves or something?
These are big! That probably took
both hands! Ultimate-ULTIMATE Frisbee.
Yeah, they're stuck in the wall.
This wasn't his first throw.
Okay, there's a story here, though
I think I missed the exciting part.
Looks kind of Shakespearean.
Well, someone's not getting their inheritance.
[gravity gun hums]
What the hell?
Maybe I should've picked
another building to cut through.
Well, I've spent so many bullets on
this one, I almost HAVE to keep going.
Plus, it's a breath of fresh air
shooting people that don't shoot back.
That really makes all the difference.
What if nobody ever shoots at me again?
That attack back there was
the last time? It's over?
Although, it is suspicious JUST how
quiet it got. I didn't walk that far.
[distant howling]
What the hell?
VOICE: For it was said they
had become like these--
VOICE: --peculiar demons which dwell in
matter but in whom no light may be found.
Demons and matter and light...?
Is someone talking about the
crepuscular theory of light?
I wouldn't have expected
that in this neighborhood.
Well, whatever. I'm not
talking to detached voices.
That's a secret-of-my-success
move right there.
Okay, well, I appreciate the limbo challenge,
but it's been a long day. I'm just
not in the mood for this anymore.
Nope. Limbo, it is. Well, you first.
I don't need to prove anything to you.
What about you, scrub? You ready for this?
Though, if we're being honest,
we really did need some music.
It probably hurt their
performance a little bit.
It does seem awfully wasteful having these
blades spin all the time like this, though.
On Eddie's property, his blade traps were
pressure-activated. Much more efficient.
VOICE: For the days of my life...
VOICE: ...and my bones are parched like ash,
VOICE: ...and let all my impurities...
VOICE: ...until nothing remains
but the Light alone.
Yeah, I'm a physicist! Trust me. There's
nothing you know about light that I don't.
Eh. See, I'm breaking my own rule: Talking
back to the voice. Shouldn't do that.
Oh! I didn't even see that.
I should shoot it, but I kind of
want to see if go through the blade.
Oh, it did it! I wasn't even looking.
Oh, new customers! All
right... All right, this way.
Today's special is...a wooden pallet...
Fuck this! I don't need this job! I
know you weren't going to tip, either!
Fucking dinner shift, man...
Is this how you behave at home?!
Any more? Let's just settle the bill now!
Well, this is still a lot more
relaxed than most of the day's been.
Yeah, I don't know if I'm
going to be shot at again.
I mean, storming the base
must've kept them busy,
but they'll probably do a sweep
of the area if they still want me.
And do they really want ME, or
was the base the real prize?
The cops just sort of shoot anything
you dangle in front of them.
They're almost like animals.
Okay, do I want to go this way?
Y'know what? Let's save my
bullets. The night's still young.
Really, it would be better if
I didn't have to kill so many,
so I could save some for
the cops following me.
But that's a tricky balance when
things are cramped and I'm lost.
If you're in an abandoned town
surrounded by fifty zombies,
you have to ask yourself,
"Am I going the right way?"
I mean, let's get real. They're
probably torturing the rebels right now,
and they'll tell them where I went.
They could've just shot them all,
even though that'd be a stupid move.
Wouldn't be their first one today.
Wonder if the robot has a log.
VOICE: May they become like
dust before the wind...
VOICE: ...and may the Angel
of the Lord pursue them.
Anyway, I just don't know
how much credit to give them.
Oh, do I want to go for the trap?
No, I don't. We're going
to do this the classic way.
Dammit, why do zombies have to
be so pissed off all the time?
Okay, I guess they have an excuse.
But you're not the only ones
pissed off at life, y'know.
Huh, I wonder if I killed
that guy who was talking.
I didn't mean to, but, y'know...
You're judged by the company you keep.
I don't like setting off explosives.
Explosives are too much attention.
So, a fucking fuel barrel
exploding doesn't wake you up...
...but my footsteps, that's what does it.
I just don't understand the undead.
Yeah, how's that saying go? "Ah,
to be young again. And a zombie."
Yeah, I never got that. Maybe
I'm remembering it wrong.
Shit.
[man laughing manically]
Brain freeze...
[man laughing manically]
MAN: Another life to save?
MAN: I'll keep my eye on you.
More than that, I cannot promise.
Well, you don't look like a
cop. That's all that matters.
Yeah, I was wondering if they even
keep statistics on casualties now,
I mean, they were probably
getting back numbers
showing half the police deaths
coming from friendly fire,
so at that point, why bother writing
it down? It would just hurt morale.
Yeah, I don't like fires. Those
can be seen from the air, right?
Comin' out of the walls like a...
Yeah, I guess they're
not undead. Just...hosts.
Oh what? They're eating them
now? I'm...I'm not there, yet.
The meat's going to spoil left out like that.
Okay, a valve. This is either going to
put out the fire or cause an explosion.
So this is just a propane tank.
How long was he expecting this to last?
Is this a holiday? I doubt it.
Maybe I could find a motorcycle
helmet? That would be ALMOST as good.
Guess I haven't seen a lot of motorcycles.
It wouldn't surprise me if a
lot of bikers survived this.
Run from the law, run from
aliens. Can't be that different.
Okay, let's actually make this useful.
How do I ignite it? This?
This isn't why I got into physics.
This is the difference between
theory and practice, right here.
This is why I can't talk to all
these happy-go-lucky people.
"How you doin', Dr. Freeman? Ahyuck!"
Yeah, I don't know. I think
this place is losing its charm.
I mean, when I'm being
shot at from a helicopter,
I think all I want in
life is for that to stop,
but I guess I want more than that, too.
I mean... Yeah, what's happening here?
He had to have jumped up
there AND gotten stuck. Why?
Is this a European "Jackass" thing?
"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and today we're
doing the Electric Fence Climbing Contest."
Oh! Maybe they're the ones that
tried to eat the facehuggers,
then the whole show went to hell.
Well, I'm not climbing it.
Oh, it's powered there? Alright...
This is a real fall from grace.
They needed some straightening out,
but that lab had a lot of potential.
I mean we had teleporters, we had
gravity control, we had a mech...
Battery breakthrough, I don't know now.
The gravity gun died awful fast.
But any one of those is a game changer.
Combined, we could hit back so hard.
All we needed was production.
A factory would've done it.
It's like we could win the
race if we could just stand up,
but we're being kicked while we're down.
That feels worse than if it was
hopeless, because NOW it's hopeless.
It makes me think of that scene in
"An American Werewolf in London",
where the monsters wait and hold him hostage
to watch them kill everyone
first, THEN slit his throat?
That's probably what I'll
be dreaming about tonight.
Or maybe this is electro-Jesus.
I wonder if the circular saw-blade
guy went on to become a supervillain.
It's a pretty good gimmick. This
is just where it all started.